I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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