Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
