I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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