It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and she was petting her beer can
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
