I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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