is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
