my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
