dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I cut my penus on the lid.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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