Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
