his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Panties = found
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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