I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
