Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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