Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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