Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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