She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize