My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
