it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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