Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
