Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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