i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my poor anus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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