just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
