we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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