I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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