Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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