i'm signing you up for texting rehab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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