True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
