Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
