p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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