if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
