I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
