she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
