Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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