she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
