I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
