we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
