OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
