it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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