Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
