Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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