I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
