I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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