Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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