You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
