so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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