Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
where are my eyebrows?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
