I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
