Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Actions speak louder than pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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