i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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