I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
