Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
