Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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