Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
