She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
