so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
