It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
