Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
