Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
