hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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