I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
