Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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