I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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