remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
