My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
