meet me or not, i'm out of control
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
