when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
