at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
