I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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