i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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