what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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