yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
