We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
