He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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