I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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