So drunk its hurt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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