Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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