i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
