Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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