Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
