i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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